Listening to Your Child & Why it Matters
Listening to your child with half an ear while doing something else isn’t the kind of listening we mean here. Truly listening is a parenting skill—and one worth learning. Here’s why it matters, and how to do it well.
When we listen in a way that supports our child, we are listening to…
understand them.
help them think well for themselves.
help them process their emotions.
be interested in where their thinking will take them.
share the burden of their problems.
get to know your child.
We are not listening to…
plan our reply.
interrupt as soon as they pause.
give advice.
correct their grammar or logic.
It can be hard to listen with our full attention so it’s handy to know what to look out for. Here are some of the things that might make it difficult for you…
We believe our advice will help.
We see an obvious solution and are eager to share it.
We want to protect them from discomfort or hurt.
What they’re saying is hard to hear and stirs our emotions.
We disagree and feel compelled to correct or educate.
We worry they’ll talk forever if we don’t jump in.
We’re stressed, tired, or short on time.
Listening with full attention takes effort and practice. So why bother?
A tale of two conversations
Scenario 1: The quick advice.
Your child tells you something upsetting that another child said. You feel protective and jump in immediately with advice. You only know part of the story, and your child tries to explain—but you insist on your solution. They stop talking, nod, and walk away.
Nothing is resolved.
They haven’t processed their feelings.
And next time, they may choose not to come to you.
Scenario 2: The listening parent.
Your child tells you what happened. You feel protective, maybe angry, but you take a breath and stay quiet. You nod, keep eye contact, and listen. They share the whole story, including how they feel. They express hurt, frustration, maybe even revenge fantasies—because they are processing.
Only after they’ve finished, you gently ask:
“Mmm… I can see this really upset you. What do you think is the best thing to do?”
You watch their mind work. They think. They consider options.
If they need help, they’ll ask, and you’ll actually know how to guide them—because you understand the whole picture.
A surprising truth about listening
Listening like this saves time. When children are not interrupted, they are much more concise. If time is short, tell them how much time you have and stick to it. Children who trust they’ll get focused attention when it’s available demand it less when it’s not.
Why listening to our child matters
When we listen, our child learns:
I am worth listening to - building their confidence.
What I say matters - building their self-esteem.
I can think for myself - reducing the impact of peer pressure.
My feelings are safe to express - developing emotional intelligence.
Talking helps me cope - fostering resilience.
Listening well soothes, strengthens, and empowers our children.
And the best part?
All we have to do is be quiet.
Isn’t that liberating?
Do you want more than one-word answers to your questions? Read blog - how to deepen your relationship with good questions (hint - How was your day? isn’t one of them!)
