Screen Time, Boundaries & Connection — A Parent’s Guide for the Digital Age
Parenting in the Digital Age
We are a generation of parents navigating uncharted waters.
We didn’t grow up with smartphones, social media, or streaming apps—and yet, we’re the first to raise children who can’t imagine life without them. That means we have to figure it out as we go: how to set boundaries, what feels right for our family, and how to parent without precedent.
In some ways, it is a perfect opportunity to parent afresh, to think deeply about our own values and how we wish to guide our children. In other ways, it is an opportunity for us to doubt ourselves, worry about getting it right, and fear the repercussions of getting it wrong.
This post is designed to help you open a conversation—with your child, and with yourself.
There is no single way to approach screen time, but the first step is to understand yourself and your child a bit better so you can make decisions about screen use with confidence.
Change Starts With Observation
Before jumping into new rules or restrictions, start by watching.
Keep a simple journal. Note what happens—internally and externally—around screen use.
Ask yourself:
What thoughts arise when I see my child on a screen?
What happens when we talk about screen time?
What kind of conflict comes up—and what happens before, during, and after?
Be specific about the changes you’d like to see. Clarity helps set realistic goals.
If fear or guilt makes you hesitate to set boundaries, notice that too. Awareness is always the first step toward calm, confident parenting.
Observation moves you from a mindset of control to one of collaborative guidance—you’re teaching self-regulation, not policing fun.
Opening the Conversation
Once you’ve observed, it’s time to talk.
Have an honest conversation about screen use—yours and theirs.
Be open to changing your own habits to model the behaviour you hope to see.
Discuss:
How screens make you feel—calm, anxious, irritated?
How much time do you spend on them, and when?
Whether screens interfere with sleep, relationships, or mood.
What’s fun and positive about your screen time?
This isn’t about catching anyone out. It’s about awareness, empathy, and shared understanding. Our FREE screentime workbook (which you can request below) has a useful parent-child questionnaire.
Setting Boundaries That Stick
Every family will have different limits.
What matters is that your boundaries are consistent and communicated well. Children thrive when boundaries are clear and when those boundaries come from love, not fear.
Remember, your children don’t have to like your boundaries—but they should make sense!
Explain your reasoning, write the rules together, and keep them visible.
When Setting Screen Rules, Consider:
What counts as “productive” screen time (e.g. homework, research) vs. “recreational” screen time (games, videos)?
When and where screens are allowed (ideally in shared, visible areas).
How and when screen use will be monitored.
How exceptions to the usual rules work—like long car journeys or holidays.
How you’ll review and adjust the rules over time.
It's helpful to schedule a date to discuss your child's progress. During this meeting, you can make any necessary adjustments to the rules. It's important to be flexible if something isn't effective, but it's also best to remain consistent with the agreed-upon rules for a certain period before implementing any changes.
Creating a Family Phone Plan
Phones can easily become flashpoints for conflict.
Creating a joint plan helps everyone feel involved and respected.
Before you start, discuss:
What’s essential on your phone?
How much time feels healthy each day?
Which apps take up most of your time—and how can you limit them?
When are phones off-limits (e.g. mealtimes, bedrooms, family time)?
How will you monitor and check in on usage?
Write up the final plan and pop it somewhere visible. Ownership increases accountability, so the more collaboration, the better.
You may be unpopular for a bit, but when your child has clear screen time boundaries, you save a lot of damaging arguments. It’s ok to have exceptions to the rule occasionally, but it’s best to communicate them clearly and return to the rules afterwards!
The advice above is most effective for children who are tweens or younger teens. However, a collaborative approach can also be beneficial for older teens, but you might be facing existing negative patterns regarding screen use and deeper conflicts. This doesn’t mean that changes are impossible, but it may be necessary to focus on building connections and reducing conflicts before adjusting the rules. If you’re desperate for change but unsure where to begin, schedule a call with me. I can help you achieve a smooth transition to healthier phone usage.
