Bullying: How Parents Can Help

13 Nov

“Bullying is the repetitive, intentional hurting of one person or group by another person or group, where the relationship involves an imbalance of power. Bullying can be physical, verbal or psychological. It can happen face-to-face or online.”

— Anti-Bullying Alliance

Sadly, research shows that most children will either be bullied, bully others, or witness bullying at some point. As parents, it’s essential that we get involved early and often. By talking openly, teaching key skills, and staying alert, we can make a big difference in how our children handle these experiences.

Talk About Bullying

Conversations about bullying help children recognise it when it happens — whether to them or others — and know how to respond safely. Like all important topics, regular, brief conversations are more impactful than one lengthy discussion.

You could discuss:

What bullying is
The difference between teasing and bullying
How they might react to bullying & who they might seek help from
How they might help someone being bullied & what might stop them from helping
What might cause someone to bully others
How can we handle conflict kindly, even when we don’t like someone?

Listen – Really Listen

Listening is an essential parenting skill. When your child speaks, show that you’re genuinely interested — even if the timing isn’t ideal. If you can’t talk right then, set a specific time to reconnect soon.

Practising daily listening helps your child know they can come to you about anything.

To hone your skills, read:

Dr Luke Robert's Active Listening Skills on Kidscape Blog

Teach Skills

Children facing stress — from grief, divorce, moving, or friendship changes — may need extra emotional support. Teaching emotional literacy and healthy coping skills reduces both the risk of bullying others and becoming a target.

Key strategies:

Encourage autonomy. Give your child age-appropriate control over parts of their life.
Avoid overly authoritarian parenting, which can lead to feelings of powerlessness.
Monitor sibling dynamics. Address any unfair power imbalances — a child bullied by an older sibling may “pass it on” at school.

Build Confidence and Coping Skills

Children can learn skills to stand up to bullying.

Help them build their self-esteem and confidence.

Support them in finding solutions, such as:

Inviting new friends for playdates or group activities.
Starting new clubs, hobbies, or sports to widen social circles.
Teaching emotional regulation — through journaling, drawing, music, or dance.
Identifying trusted adults at school and practising how to ask for help.
Role-playing responses to bullying with assertive body language and calm words.

You can read more about how to do that in my blog posts:

Stay Safe Online

Cyberbullies can reach your child 24/7 through social media or gaming platforms if there are no controls in place. To reduce risk:

Keep devices out of bedrooms.
Use parental controls and privacy settings.
Encourage regular offline time and open discussions about online experiences.

Professionals strongly advise keeping online use visible and supervised - find online safety tips at NSPCC

Use Books and Play to Teach Empathy

Books and play are gentle ways to explore big emotions. Look for stories about:

Embracing diversity
Managing emotions
Building confidence and resilience
Resolving conflict
Developing empathy and understanding another perspective

Reading Rockets has a great book list, which you can find HERE

Look for the Signs

Children who are being bullied — or bullying others — may struggle to talk about it.
Watch for:

Sudden outbursts, tears, or anger
Reluctance to attend school
Frequent stomachaches or headaches that disappear at weekends
Defiance, withdrawal, or sleep/eating changes
Unexplained injuries or damaged belongings
Requests for extra money or missing items

Look for signs that your child is bullying others. They, too, may show emotional distress or increased defiant or defensive behaviour, withdraw, come home with items you know they can’t afford or have physical injuries.

Work with the School

If you suspect bullying:

Document incidents (Kidscape offers a free bullying log).
Reassure your child before contacting the school — they may fear retaliation.
Ask for the school’s anti-bullying policy and discuss it with your child.
Stay calm and solution-focused. Your approach models how to handle conflict constructively.

Take Care of Yourself Too

Learning your child is involved in bullying — as a victim or perpetrator — can be deeply upsetting. Take a moment to breathe and collect yourself before responding.
Your calmness helps your child feel safe and supported.

If bullying touches on your own painful experiences, consider seeking support. Caring for your emotional wellbeing helps you care better for your child.

What to Avoid

Don’t confront the bully’s parents directly — this can escalate things.
Don’t tell your child to retaliate — focus on safe, confident responses instead.
Don’t label children as “bullies.” Always talk about bullying behaviour — this helps everyone move forward constructively.